Friday, September 1, 2017

The Big Mc

THE GAME: Dodgers vs Padres

It feels a little weird to say that a team with 91 wins on September 1st is in need of a stopper... but that's where we find ourselves today. Because the Dodgers also had 91 wins last weekend. They lost their fourth game in a row - for the first time all season - on Wednesday and then added a fifth straight defeat yesterday afternoon. This madness has to end. 

Fortunately for the Dodgers, they have one of the greatest pitchers in the history of baseball returning to the mound tonight for the first time since July 23rd: Clayton Kershaw. 

It was 106º this afternoon where I live, and the start of a long weekend. Nothing sounded better than sitting in the air conditioning, watching baseball, and cooking up a great dinner. I had an idea. 

A couple of weeks ago, my friend Marina texted me that she was going to Canada and asked if I wanted anything. I replied, not surprisingly, that I would love some kind of condiment that is not available in America. 

She brought me back several things - more will almost certainly feature here in the coming weeks - including a bottle of Canadian Big Mac sauce. I'm no fan of the Big Mac - I loathe the meat and the bun, which, obviously, are the most important components of a burger- but I am a big fan of the sauce. 

So I decided to make my own version. And call it the "Big Mc." (Like McDonald's, my last name starts with those two letters).

  • I have only eaten one Big Mac in my adult life - although I did eat one a few months shy of my 18th birthday, in.... Rome. Seriously. I was on vacation in Rome and I went to McDonald's. Youth is truly wasted on the young. 
  • I formed two USDA Prime beef patties, making sure they were 4 ounces each, and grilling them in a cast iron pan. So right away there are three things superior to the Big Mac. 
  • American cheese is just not for me. (It's also not actually cheese, but that's a whole different argument.) So it was Tillamook exra-sharp cheddar for me. In the last two minutes of cooking the beef, I let the cheese melt on top. 
  • Rehydrated onions from Ralph's for that classic fast food burger taste, and Bubbies pickles, too. (Although I actually like the pickles that McDonald's uses.) 
  • Shredded lettuce, a brioche bun with an extra slice in the middle, and a very generous deluge of the Big Mac sauce. 
  • It was fantastic, of course, but it was too big a burger for me to finish. 
  • Well, okay, I finished it anyway. But it took quite an effort.
  • I will definitely make more burgers with the Big Mac sauce, but they will be made with a single patty. 

  • Oh, wonderful, Charley Steiner is calling this game. There may be somebody somewhere who doesn't find him incredibly boring, but I have yet to meet that person. 
  • And Cowboy Joe West behind the plate! This keeps getting better.
  • The Padres are wearing their brown and yellow jerseys. I think they wear those on Fridays at home, though I'm not exactly sure. (I watch 5x as much AL baseball as I do NL.) At any rate, they remind me of the uniforms the Padres wore when I was a little kid. (And Tony Gwynn was on the team - probably my favorite player ever who did not play for the Angels or Dodgers.) 
  • Kershaw is through two innings. He's thrown 18 pitches, 14 of them for strikes. That's what we call efficient, folks. Wanna guess how many pitches it took the Angels pitcher, Tyler Skaggs, to get through two innings tonight? 65. (Not a misprint.) 
  • Through four innings, we're tied at 0. Pretty boring. But, like my grandma used to tell me, it can always be worse: Toronto and Baltimore are also tied at 0... in the 13th inning. 
  • Kershaw was expected to go about five innings and 75 pitches. He's only thrown 42 pitches through four. 
  • I won't lie, I've been sneaking a lot of peaks at the Angels-Rangers; it's 9-9 in the 8th inning. (Much more exciting than the Dodgers and Padres tied at 0 in the 6th. The Padres are one of the worst teams in all of baseball. The Dodgers need to pull their heads out of the asses.)
  • Chase Utley heard me and gets the RBI single. 1-0 Dodgers. Chase was born in Pasadena, BTW. 
  • Andre Ethier makes his season debut, pinch-hitting for Kershaw. Clayton's line for the night: 6 IP, 2 H, 0 R, and 70 pitches. Welcome back. 
  • Jansen gets the save. Dodgers win 1-0. The losing streak is over. 
  • I wish I'd had more to write about this game, but it was pretty much the most boring game I've seen all season. 

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